My Panic Attacks and Insomnia Just Wouldn’t Go Away… Until They Did

I suffered from panic attacks for years

It’s hard to explain,but something would just set me off. One minute, I’d be fine one minute, then find myself trembling, yet still at the same time the next. It would feel like an overwhelming sense of dread and anxiety hovering over me.

But it would eventually go away.

On top of that… I couldn’t sleep

Most nights I’d just lay there in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to just drift off. Then I’d start thinking about how I couldn’t sleep. I’d stare at the clock at my cable box, which was a constant reminder of the nightmare I was in. If only I was dreaming…

Living in a little piece of hell

Between the panic attacks and insomnia, I felt myself slipping further and further into insanity with each week and month that would pass. Honestly, it felt like my body wasn’t in sync… kind of like an incomplete Lego set or something.

I pursued a local therapist

I found a local therapist near me and was lucky to get in through her last available slot. We talked about a lot of things. What was bothering me, where I thought it came from and most of all, what could be done about it.

It helped. Sort of. I felt a little more mental clarity, in terms of organizing my thoughts and being able to attribute this to that. But I still had panic attacks and still couldn’t fall asleep easily. I still felt… off.

Then came the booze…

I turned to some whisky in my sleepy time tea. Then, to a neat glass or two before bed to numb myself. It made me feel warm, but past the first few times, it didn’t really help. In fact, when I finally would fall asleep, the whisky would cause me to frequently wake up in the middle of the night. A lot more than normal.

A glimmer of hope

I was on the edge, and truthfully, I couldn’t keep teetering for much longer. I was counting the months before I’d be committed or worse. Then, I found Dr Kim DiRe’ — to this day, I see her as my guardian angel…